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Give Sarah Palin a Click, and Give Her Your Vote!(scroll down for more including her SNL script and Katie Couric interview transcripts) |
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NBC transcript of Sarah Palin's two bits on October 18, 2008 "Saturday Night Live":
The opening.... JASON SUDEIKIS - "Good evening, I'm Tim Lydecker Sarah Palin's spokesman and we're very excited to be holding the Governor's first official press conference. Now tonight, nothing is off-limits while at the same time, I urge you guys to 'be cool.' Seriously guys just be cool. And one last thing: no recording devices and don't write anything down." (Gathered "reporters" react) SUDEIKIS - "Worth a shot. Can't blame me for trying. Without further ado, I present Governor Sarah Palin." (TINA FEY enters as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN) FEY AS GOV. PALIN - "First off, I just want to say how excited I am to be in front of both the liberal elite media as well as the liberal regular media. I am lookin' forward to a portion of your questions, so let's get started. Yes, you?" FRED ARMISEN (as reporter): "What were your thoughts on Senator McCain's debate performance Wednesday?" FEY AS GOV. PALIN -- You know, I just thought he was great. Because the American people are angry. And John McCain is angry too. And you can tell he's angry by the way he sighs and grits his teeth and he's always goin' like (MAKES FACE AND GROWLING NOISE). And that Barack Obama? Well if he's angry, I certainly can't tell. His voice is smooth and when he's talkin' it's like an angel whispering in your ear. He makes John McCain sound like a garbage truck unloading trash at a landfill. So to answer your question, yes, I think John McCain did great. You guy? WILL FORTE (as reporter) - "At a rally in North Carolina this week you said that you like to visit the quote pro-America parts of the country. Are there parts of the country that you consider un-American? FEY AS GOV. PALIN - Y'know , that was just my lame attempt at a joke. But um, yes - New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Delaware and California (SHE GIVES A THUMBS DOWN). But then also too you have states like Ohio and Pennsylvania and Florida which could be real real anti-American or real real pro-American. It's up to them. (SHE winks) And now I'd like to entertain everybody with some fancy pageant walkin.' (CUT TO: "SNL" Executive Producer LORNE MICHAELS and the real GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN standing next to a monitor watching the scene) MICHAELS - "I really wish that that had been you." GOV. PALIN - "Well, Lorne, you know, I just didn't think it was a realistic depiction of how one of my press conferences woulda gone." MICHAELS - "Yes, but it's obviously it's a heightened reality." GOV. PALIN - "Why couldn't we do the '30 Rock' sketch I wrote?" MICHAELS - "Honestly, not enough people know that show." (MARK WAHLBERG ENTERS) WAHLBERG - "Hey, Lorne?" MICHAELS - "Mark!" WAHLBERG -I'm looking for Andy Samberg. Where is he?" MICHAELS - "Mark, that was all in good fun." WAHLBERG -- "Are you gonna make me bust your head open too? Because I will. Where is he?" MICHAELS - "Third dressing room on the left." MW - Thank you (WAHLBERG storms off) MICHAELS -- He didn't like the impression we did of him on the show. GOV. PALIN - "Tell me about it." (ALEC BALDWIN enters) BALDWIN - "Hey Lorne. Hey, Tina. Lorne, I need to talk to you. You can't let Tina go out there with that woman. She goes against everything we stand for. I mean, good Lord, Lorne, they call her...what's that name they call her? Cari ... Cari -- what do they call her again, Tina?" GOV. PALIN - "That'd be Caribou Barbie." BALDWIN - "Caribou Barbie. Thank you, Tina. I mean this is the most important election in our nation's history. And you want her, our Tina, to go out there and stand there with that horrible woman. What do you have to say for yourself?" MICHAELS - "Alec, this is Governor Palin." GOV. PALIN - "Hi there." BALDWIN - "I see. Forgive me, but I feel I must say this -- you are way hotter in person." GOV. PALIN - "Why thank you." BALDWIN - "I mean, seriously. I can't believe they let her play you." GOV. PALIN - "Thank you, and I must say that your brother Stephen is my favorite Baldwin brother." BALDWIN - "You are a delight. Now come, let me take you for a tour of the studio. You know, I've hosted the show ... how many times, Lorne?" LM - 175 times. (THEY walk away, the scene cuts back to the press conference) FEY AS GOV. PALIN - "To answer your question - y'know I don't worry about the polls. Polls are just a fancy way of systematically predicting what's gonna happen. The only pole I care about is the North Pole and that is melting...it's not great. (BALDWIN walks on stage and whispers in FEY's ear) FEY AS SELF "What? The real one? Byeee!" (FEY walks off stage, passing PALIN as she exits) GOV. PALIN - "Thank you. Now I'm not gonna take any of your questions but I do want to take this opportunity to say Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!!!" And here's the transcript of her visit to "Weekend Update" (with the video here): SETH MEYERS - "And now, here to clear up some misconceptions about her campaign, Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin." GOV. SARAH PALIN - "Thank you Seth, Amy. And thank you for the chance to come out here. But I've been thinking it over and I'm not going to do the piece we rehearsed." MEYERS - "But you were so good at it." GOV. PALIN - "I know. It was really fun. But my gut is telling me this is a bad idea for the campaign." MEYERS - "Are you sure?" GOV. PALIN - "Yes, after a lot of thought. I think it might just cross the line." MEYERS - "Ok, well...in that case, Amy, do you want to do Governor Palin's part instead, Amy?" AMY POEHLER - "I guess I could give it a try..." MEYERS - "Do you remember it?" POEHLER - "I kinda remember it ... (IN HARDCORE RAP DEMEANOR) 1. 2. 3..." (A Beat kicks in) "MY NAME IS SARAH PALIN, YOU ALL KNOW ME, VICE-PREZZY NOMINEE OF THE GOP, GONNA NEED YOUR VOTE IN THE NEXT ELECTION, CAN I GET A WHAT-WHAT FROM THE SENIOR SECTION, MCCAIN GOT EXPERIENCE, MCCAIN GOT STYLE, BUT DON'T LET HIM FREAK YOU OUT, WHEN HE TRIES TO SMILE, CUZ THAT SMILE BE CREEPY, BUT WHEN I'M V.P., ALL THE LEADERS IN THE WORLD GONNA FINALLY MEET ME, (FRED ARMISEN & ANDY SAMBERG enter as ESKIMOS) POEHLER -- (contd) HOW'S IT GO ESKIMOS?TELL TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ESKIMOS!HOW YA FEEL ESKIMOS?TELL TELL ME WHAT YOU FEEL ESKIMOS! SAMBERG/ARMISEN -- ESKIMOS!ESKIMOS!ICE COLD!SUPER COLD! POEHLER - "I'M JEREMIAH WRIGHT CUZ TONIGHT IM THE PREACHER, I GOT A BOOKISH LOOK AND YOU'RE ALL HOT FOR TEACHER, (The camera cuts away to Meyers and Gov. Palin enjoying themselves) (JASON SUDEIKIS enters as TODD PALIN and stands next to POEHLER) TODD LOOKING FINE ON HIS SNOW MACHINE, SO HOT FOR EACH OTHER, NEED A GO-BETWEEN, IN WASILLA, WE JUST CHILL BABY CHILLA BUT WHEN I SEE OIL, IT'S..." ALL -- "DRILL BABY DRILLA!" POEHLER - "MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE," FROM MY PORCH I CAN SEE, RUSSIA AND SUCH." ALL THE MAVERICKS IN THE HOUSE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, ALL THE MAVERICKS IN THE HOUSE, PUT YOUR HANDS UP, ALL THE PLUMBERS IN THE HOUSE, PULL YOUR PANTS UP, ALL THE PLUMBERS IN THE HOUSE, PULL YOUR PANTS UP, WHEN I SAY OBAMA, YOU SAY AYERS, OBAMA! SAMBERG/ARMISEN - "AYERS!" POEHLER - "OBAMA!" SAMBERG/ARMISEN - "AYERS!" POEHLER - "I BUILT ME A BRIDGE AND IT AINT GOING NOWHERE! OOOOOHHHHHHHH. MCCAIN/PALIN GONNA PUT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN... OF THE MEDIA ELITE" SAMBERG/ARMISEN - "SHE LIKES RED MEAT!" (A MOOSE ENTERS) POEHLER - "SHOOT A MUTHA HUMPIN MOOSE EIGHT DAYS OF THE WEEK, NOW YOURE DEAD NOW YOURE DEAD CUZ I'M AN AMINAL, AND I'M BIGGER THAN YOU HOLDIN' A SHOTGUN, WORKIN' THE PUMP Everybody party, we GOING ON A HUNT LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA YO I'M PALIN I'M OUT! (AMY, SUDEIKIS AND SAMBERG/ARMISEN EXIT AS SNOW FALLS) MEYERS - "I think you made the right decision not to do that." GOV. PALIN - "You betcha." -------Transcript from Katie Couric Interview------- Sarah Palin: My understanding is that Rick Davis recused himself from the dealings of the firm. I don't know how long ago, a year or two ago that he's not benefiting from that. And you know, I was - I would hope that's not the case. Katie Couric: But he still has a stake in the company so isn't that a conflict of interest? Palin: Again, my understanding is that he recused himself from the dealings with Freddie and Fannie, any lobbying efforts on his part there. And I would hope that's the case because, as John McCain has been saying, and as I've on a much more local level been also rallying against is the undue influence of lobbyists in public policy decisions being made. Next, Couric asked about the $700 billion government bailout of bad debt - and whether she supports it. Palin: I'm all about the position that America is in and that we have to look at a $700 billion bailout. And as Sen. McCain has said unless this nearly trillion dollar bailout is what it may end up to be, unless there are amendments in Paulson's proposal, really I don't believe that Americans are going to support this and we will not support this. The interesting thing in the last couple of days that I have seen is that Americans are waiting to see what John McCain will do on this proposal. They're not waiting to see what Barack Obama is going to do. Is he going to do this and see what way the political wind's blowing? They're waiting to see if John McCain will be able to see these amendments implemented in Paulson's proposal. Couric: Why do you say that? Why are they waiting for John McCain and not Barack Obama? Palin: He's got the track record of the leadership qualities and the pragmatism that's needed at a crisis time like this. Couric: But polls have shown that Sen. Obama has actually gotten a boost as a result of this latest crisis, with more people feeling that he can handle the situation better than John McCain. Palin: I'm not looking at poll numbers. What I think Americans at the end of the day are going to be able to go back and look at track records and see who's more apt to be talking about solutions and wishing for and hoping for solutions for some opportunity to change, and who's actually done it? Couric: If this doesn't pass, do you think there's a risk of another Great Depression? Palin: Unfortunately, that is the road that America may find itself on. Not necessarily this, as it's been proposed, has to pass or we're going to find ourselves in another Great Depression. But, there has got to be action - bipartisan effort - Congress not pointing fingers at one another but finding the solution to this, taking action, and being serious about the reforms on Wall Street that are needed. Couric: Would you support a moratorium on foreclosures to help average Americans keep their homes? Palin: That's something that John McCain and I have both been discussing - whether that ... is part of the solution or not. You know, it's going to be a multi-faceted solution that has to be found here. Couric: So you haven't decided whether you'll support it or not? Palin: I have not. Couric: What are the pros and cons of it do you think? Palin: Oh, well, some decisions that have been made poorly should not be rewarded, of course. Couric: By consumers, you're saying? Palin: Consumers - and those who were predator lenders also. That's, you know, that has to be considered also. But again, it's got to be a comprehensive, long-term solution found ... for this problem that America is facing today. As I say, we are getting into crisis mode here. Couric: You've said, quote, "John McCain will reform the way Wall Street does business." Other than supporting stricter regulations of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac two years ago, can you give us any more example of his leading the charge for more oversight? Palin: I think that the example that you just cited, with his warnings two years ago about Fannie and Freddie - that, that's paramount. That's more than a heck of a lot of other senators and representatives did for us. Couric: But he's been in Congress for 26 years. He's been chairman of the powerful Commerce Committee. And he has almost always sided with less regulation, not more. Palin: He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government. Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this? Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today. Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation. Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you. ------Day II of the Couric Interview------ Katie Couric: As we stand before this august building and institution, what do you see as the role of the United States in the world? Sarah Palin: I see the United States as being a force for good in the world. And as Ronald Reagan used to talk about, America being the beacon of light and hope for those who are seeking democratic values and tolerance and freedom. I see our country being able to represent those things that can be looked to … as that leadership, that light needed across the world. Couric: In preparing for this conversation, a lot of our viewers … and Internet users wanted to know why you did not get a passport until last year. And they wondered if that indicated a lack of interest and curiosity in the world. Palin: I'm not one of those who maybe came from a background of, you know, kids who perhaps graduate college and their parents give them a passport and give them a backpack and say go off and travel the world. No, I've worked all my life. In fact, I usually had two jobs all my life until I had kids. I was not a part of, I guess, that culture. The way that I have understood the world is through education, through books, through mediums that have provided me a lot of perspective on the world. Couric: Gov. Palin, you've had a very busy week. And you're meeting with many world leaders. You met with President Karzai of Afghanistan. I know the McCain campaign has called for a surge in Afghanistan. But that country is, as you know, dramatically different than Iraq. Why do you believe additional troops, U.S. troops, will solve the problem there? Palin: Because we can't afford to lose in Afghanistan, as we cannot afford to lose in Iraq, either, these central fronts on the war on terror. And I asked President Karzai, "Is that what you are seeking, also? That strategy that has worked in Iraq that John McCain had pushed for, more troops? A counterinsurgency strategy?" And he said, "yes." And he also showed great appreciation for what America and American troops are providing in his country. Couric: The United States is deeply unpopular in Pakistan. Do you think the Pakistani government is protecting al Qaeda within its borders? Palin: I don't believe that new President Zardari has that mission at all. But no, the Pakistani people also, they want freedom. They want democratic values to be allowed in their country, also. They understand the dangers of terrorists having a stronghold in regions of their country, also. And I believe that they, too, want to rid not only their country, but the world, of violent Islamic terrorists. Couric: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that? Sarah Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundary that we have with Canada. It's funny that a comment like that was kinda made to … I don't know, you know … reporters. Couric: Mocked? Palin: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah. Couric: Well, explain to me why that enhances your foreign-policy credentials. Palin: Well, it certainly does, because our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of. And there… Couric: Have you ever been involved in any negotiations, for example, with the Russians? Palin: We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state. Couric: When President Bush ran for office, he opposed nation-building. But he has spent, as you know, much of his presidency promoting democracy around the world. What lessons have you learned from Iraq? And how specifically will you try to spread democracy throughout the world? Palin: Specifically, we will make every effort possible to help spread democracy for those who desire freedom, independence, tolerance, respect for equality. That is the whole goal here in fighting terrorism also. It's not just to keep the people safe, but to be able to usher in democratic values and ideals around this, around the world. Couric: You met yesterday with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who is for direct diplomacy with both Iran and Syria. Do you believe the U.S. should negotiate with leaders like President Assad and Ahmadinejad? Palin: I think, with Ahmadinejad, personally, he is not one to negotiate with. You can't just sit down with him with no preconditions being met. Barack Obama is so off-base in his proclamation that he would meet with some of these leaders around our world who would seek to destroy America and that, and without preconditions being met. That's beyond naïve. And it's beyond bad judgment. Couric: Are you saying Henry Kissinger … Palin: It's dangerous. Couric: … is naïve for supporting that? Palin: I've never heard Henry Kissinger say, "Yeah, I'll meet with these leaders without preconditions being met." Diplomacy is about doing a lot of background work first and shoring up allies and positions and figuring out what sanctions perhaps could be implemented if things weren't gonna go right. That's part of diplomacy. Couric: You recently said three times that you would never, quote, "second guess" Israel if that country decided to attack Iran. Why not? Palin: We shouldn't second guess Israel's security efforts because we cannot ever afford to send a message that we would allow a second Holocaust, for one. Israel has got to have the opportunity and the ability to protect itself. They are our closest ally in the Mideast. We need them. They need us. And we shouldn't second guess their efforts. Couric: You don't think the United States is within its rights to express its position to Israel? And if that means second-guessing or discussing an option? Palin: No, abso … we need to express our rights and our concerns and … Couric: But you said never second guess them. Palin: We don't have to second-guess what their efforts would be if they believe … that it is in their country and their allies, including us, all of our best interests to fight against a regime, especially Iran, who would seek to wipe them off the face of the earth. It is obvious to me who the good guys are in this one and who the bad guys are. The bad guys are the ones who say Israel is a stinking corpse and should be wiped off the face of the earth. That's not a good guy who is saying that. Now, one who would seek to protect the good guys in this, the leaders of Israel and her friends, her allies, including the United States, in my world, those are the good guys. |
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